Atelophobia

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While getting ready this morning, I spent my “relaxation time” brainstorming a topic for today’s post. The word “enough” kept coming to my mind. As I thought about what I could write, I began to question the word itself.

As defined online by Merriam-Webster, enough is, “occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations.”

If I could only tell you how many times I have asked myself if I am enough. Do I truly meet ‘demands, needs, or expectations’? Countless times I’ve seen someone “better” than me, prettier than me, skinnier than me, happier than me, smarter than me, stronger than me, braver than me, or “insert comparative adjective here” than me. The list goes on and on and on. And as I began my day pondering this simple but so entirely too complex word, a thought hit me.

For whom am I not enough? 

That one question has so much depth in my life today.

There is only One that I need to be enough for, and He made me enough the day He made me. 

Growing up, I marched to the beat of my own drum when I was at home or with family. In public, however, I tried to remain perfectly in sync with the rest of the marchers, attempting to never miss a beat. The thing is, no matter how hard we try, we simply can’t be who we are not. And why should we want to be a carbon copy of anyone else? Why should we silence our inner beat?

Today, I’m starting to recognize that the beat of my drum is a little off from the melody. It is sometimes quiet and timid as a mouse, and sometimes it can be heard from miles away. It’s fast-paced and happy and slow and steady. It’s melancholy and somber for no reason at all, and then it’s as energetic as a new puppy meeting her family for the first time. It’s strange, and awkward, and silly, and fun. And it’s angry sometimes, and then it’s full of peace and serenity. And you know what? That is okay! 

I spent so much of my life trying to be someone I wasn’t. I was always trying out the latest trend, even if I hated it. I just wanted everyone around me to accept me for this person that I simply was not. It took me down many paths- drinking, drugs, eating disorders, bad relationships, bad influences, being the bad influence, and more, but nothing was ever enough. Nothing ever met my demands, needs, or expectations in the way in which I needed.

You see, I had to be enough for myself. And for me, enough meant perfect. Enough meant completely whole. Enough meant “done progressing”. Enough meant something unattainable.

I might never have the perfect, just out of bed, bohemian waves for which I desire. I may never lose these “last ten pounds” that I’ve been talking about for seven years. My clothes might never be the latest and greatest, and my car may always be average. I might not be as smart as my friends, or have as big of a heart as I want to, or go to church enough as I’d like.

But here is my truth. I. Am. Enough. I have and will always be enough.  I was created perfect in His image. No one else in this world will ever be me, and that is so unbelievably cool. Instead of spending all of this energy on being someone I am not, I can rest in the fact that I am Erin, and I am enough.

Enough doesn’t mean perfect, it means always striving to better myself and make progress in all aspects of my life. Enough doesn’t mean completely whole, because each unique, broken piece makes a beautiful mosaic. Enough doesn’t mean “done progressing”, for if I stop growing emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, what is the point? And enough is never unattainable because I am enough. You are enough. And when we stop longing for this life we feel we ought to be living, and creating this false definition of who we are supposed to be, and start being ourselves and striving for the best version of ourselves (while knowing that who we are in the moment still is enough), then that, my friends, is enough.

Enough

xox,
Erin Paige

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11 thoughts on “Atelophobia

  1. Great inspiration for people that may be struggling! If you are yourself, you are enough and that doesn’t mean it doesn’t allow you to grow as you go along in life 🙂 well done 🙂 -B xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Erin – well said kid – you have come a long way from the girl I knew back when. I am so glad to see how you have grown. And BTW although your car may be average guessing it’s still messy?
    Ian

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Ian! Ha ha ha, It’s definitely not as messy as it used to be! Now I just leave water bottles on the passenger side and forget to get my oil changed… 🙂 Work in progress, haha!

      Like

  3. Erin!! Many things to say — what a wonderful insight to something that I would say most of the world struggles with – what a gift you have with words – look how far you have come and you are still so young – and what a blessing this might be for someone that you may never know! Good job Erin Paige! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you, I have read this post on Huff post. You hit a spot in me. Guess we are never enough for ourselves. I have always viewed myself as not enough. Thank you for sharing your post

    Liked by 1 person

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